i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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