Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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