when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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