u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
