I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
