i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Randomize
