dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
