I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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