Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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