I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
