I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize