I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
