new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Randomize
