so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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