Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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