It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Sext me about skeletons
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize