i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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