Where did you get a picture of my penis
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
