I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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