..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
