Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
