She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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