yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Will exercising make me less horny?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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