The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
