You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize