Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
