The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
