We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
