I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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