She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
