I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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