Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Randomize
