i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
