Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Randomize