Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
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