PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
