Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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