Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
