you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
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