The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Of course I have a pirate flag
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
