i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
We have started to decorate penises.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
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