the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
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