True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
