my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
