I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
