i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I want to be your penis for a week.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
