You're a womanizer and a bitch.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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