i wish my penis had a tongue
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Success! We fucked roommates!
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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