some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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