bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
