theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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