I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
