where am i from again
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
