listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
