Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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