We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
