the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
