I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
only if we run a train.
done.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
