overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
