she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
