I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
