I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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