ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
