I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
We need a shit load of segways right now
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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