Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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