You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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