you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
