She's JV to your varsity
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
