I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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