I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Randomize
