i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
